I see you watching me
I have suffered with mental health issues for as long as I can remember. Even in primary school, I just found life too overwhelming. What I didn’t consider though was that my diet and lifestyle didn’t help – I bunked every P.E class and I lived on fried chicken, ramen noodles, frozen food and concentrated juices in abundance.
Heartbreak like this make me yearn for comforts I never even had
The urge to bask in my motherland’s South Asian sunshine and feel warm rainwater splashing down my back
Elders calling me their child in Urdu, sending me to sleep with head massages laced with coconut oil
Bare feet, long braids, eating food on the floor with my hands
Heartbreak that makes me want to start again in my mother’s footsteps because starting afresh in my own shoes won’t be enough to make me forget
Heartbreak that makes me wish I wasn’t here
So I start to daydream about not being here
Not being dead
But being reborn in the country that flows through my veins
Then I’d never have met you
And I can imagine I wouldn’t ever have to know what it feels like
To be heartbroken like this
Like a lot of women, when I need change in my life, I’ll express it with my hair. When I’m hurt, I have to fight the urge to cut it off. And when life delivers uncertainties I want my hair to help me feel fearless – and I suppose that is where I have been, of recent.
She always lay beneath the moon, forever at service to the earth that held her and the ocean lapping softly at her feet
Today I want to share some words that do not belong to me. Sometimes you hear something so inspiring, so uplifting, it has to be shared.
I know we are in a world where if you’re not present to witness a moment happening, you’re late. Well, this speech was made in 2014 so by that standard I am decades behind, ha.
But anyways, I was watching random YouTube videos and came across Jim Carrey giving a speech to graduating students, and a lot of what he said changed my mentality for the better – at least until I went to sleep that night. I keep reminding myself of select quotes that affected me the most, so why not just put them here?
I think it’s pretty safe to say at this stage that hatred of Muslims is brewing into something that can no longer be halted; there’s no other option now – it is going to get worse before it gets better.
It was the dead of the night, and Maria was dead to the world. Her legs sunk into the mattress, the weight lifted away, her mind finally tranquil when the first pebble hit her bedroom window. The cul-de-sac she lived on was quiet; a safe space away from the city, the throng of trees a shelter from the concrete jungle that her days played out in.
“Think you’re escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home.”
― James Joyce, Ulysses.